persuasive writing - Why we should fix our field

We have been having a go at writing a piece of persuasive writing. Here is my piece of writing about why we should fix our field. 

Title A Short Statement about the topic. eg. ‘Rugby League Is A Great Sport’	Fix our mara (field)
Overview/ Statement of position A brief statement of your view about the topic.  What you believe or want to argue.	I definitely believe we should fix our mara (field) right this instant! I think we should fix our field because we need it for lots of different things like playing, sports, special events, to have a non muddy field, tournaments, and all the important events like that. For these reasons I think we need to fix our field.
Series of Arguments Reasons Your points supporting your view about the topic.  Your arguments to support your statement and information to support these arguments. Remember -argument -supporting detail, reasons, examples	Firstly, We need our field to keep fit because it is very important for children to keep fit it also needs to get fixed because it was too muddy and we could not always use it.
	Secondly, we need to fix our field because we need it for things like the gala or the hangi. We also need it because it can hurt people's feet and some people don't like the court and playground.
	Thirdly, We need it to run around and play things like Rippa Rugby. Also we are crowded into half of the the school.
Concluding statement Summing it up.  A summary of your arguments and your view on the topic.	In conclusion, we need to fix our field so we can train, and so we can have special events. We also need to fix our mara (field) so it is not so muddy and to do all the important things you need to do on a field! These are the reasons I think we should fix our field.